so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
