You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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