Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
