We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
