oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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