Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
