It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm like, not good at living.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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