Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
