She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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