Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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