True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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