i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
