when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
