I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
