You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
