now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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