Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
