The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
