soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
