why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
