your room smells of hookers.
And success
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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