to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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