you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
