marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh god it's open bar.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
