I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
