I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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