I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
