dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Your penis caused this!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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