Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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