3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
