There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
