Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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