Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
