haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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