he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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