I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
