I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
