Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
