I wish I could punch you in the face.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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