the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
