that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
