If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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