I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
