i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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