At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
