Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
