Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
