No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
