I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
