Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We left the knife in your bed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize