Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
