I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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