and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
