Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
